I Can Always Beat Andy Murray

I Can Always Beat Andy Murray
(c) Colin, Talk Tennis

So, Novak is beating me every other week?
I congratulate him on his totally amazing streak.
If Roger catches fire, I'll celebrate it in rhyme.
Everyone knows he's the greatest of all time.
If Andy Roddick hits me with 75 first serves,
well that's a victory that he certainly deserves.
Running against David my lungs beg for air;
I don't think my legs can handle David Ferrer.
A third-round loss is nothing that I planned
but what can I do against DelPo's big forehand?
And though I fight on with every tennis muscle,
there's a fierce warrior called Michael Russell.
But still, I say there's no reason to worry,
because I can always beat Andy Murray.

When I speak, people complain I'm slow,
but I write some damn eloquent poetry, no?
I am good, good friends with Andy Murray.
One night, we shared a plate of chimichurri
and drank tequila till are eyes were blurry.
But the next day I went and beat Andy Murray.
I beat him with a joystick, I beat him with a racket.
I spot every weakness and every time attack it.
Can we even count the mental disasters,
anytime it wasn't at a hard-court masters?
He is a bit odd; I think he's a closet furry,
but I am good, good friends with Andy Murray.
And I know I have no reason to worry,
because I can always beat Andy Murray.

And now it's 2012 and it's time for France;
through the first three rounds I advance —
Sela, Lu, Sweeting ... all so very tough!
Against Florian Mayer I had just enough.
I managed to make it through the tricky draw,
and the quarters saw Gael Monfils withdraw.
In the semis with Nole, I started to perspire,
but soon enough he was forced to retire.
Someone slipped a load of gluten in his food.
Don't look at Uncle Toni; now that's just rude.
In the other half, Fed went out in a UE flurry,
so now in the final I play the great Andy Murray.
But what's this? The sets go by in a hurry,
and in an hour it's 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 Andy Murray.

But I guess I still have no reason to worry,
because I can always be runner-up to Andy Murray.